The voyages of the USS Intrepid

[Twistednuke]

This is a thrilling first person narrative from the perspective of the onboard computer on the deep space science vessel USS Intrepid, this is a genuine playthrough, but with the addition of a computer, recording logs of each jump, this playthrough used the Infinate Space mod and the FTL Captain's edition mod.
Enjoy.

MESSAGE TO FEDERATION
SHIP'S LOG - USS INTREPID
DEEP SPACE VESSEL ASSIGNED TO SCOUT UNMAPPED SECTORS AT EDGE OF FEDERATION SPACE
CREW COMPLIMENT AS FOLLOWS
Oh, sod it, I will do it
CAPTA-
Shut it

Hello, This is the ship’s log of the deep space science vessel USS Intrepid, and Osprey class federation cruiser with a varied and long suffering crew, its mission is to travel into deep space and advance the cause of the federation

Our initial crew consists of
Captain John – Our human captain with an ego larger than an asteroid
Armoury Officer Logan – The mantis who often considers using his claws to cut up Bjorn
Chief engineer/Insane engi Bjorn – An engi who never really got over the five pound fire axe Logan buried in his skull
Artillery Beam Control Person Zerimar – The rock with an IQ that is immeasurably low
Life Support Controller Lagardi – A Zoltan who has been known to briefly switch off life support just for fun!

Day One – My existence has begun, I am the on board computer of the Federation Deep Space ship USS Intrepid. She is a standard Osprey class with a crew that seem to be clinically insane, but considering that I was ripped out of a salvage drone, I can barely comment, I wish someone would cover up the SAL-2000 nameplate on me.
I did my best to assign the crew members to where I feel they can do the best, or in the case of Zerimar, where they can do the least harm, I powered up the FTL drive and set a course to deep space.

Day Two – Our first encounter was with a slug vessel that looked as if it had been retrofitted to mine valuable gases, they were attacking a civilian vessel after a significant career change to piracy, they offered to split the bounty, however, as soon as Bjorn suggested accepting it, Zerimar ripped his head off, the answer was obvious as Zerimar started walking towards my control unit.
As soon as we engaged them, they launched an attack drone and powered their only ship mounted weapon, an ion blaster, I immediately targeted their drone control and let them lunch on laser, one snack was not enough for them, a second round was satisfying for everyone except the slugs.
After we destroyed the slug vessel, their victim jumped away without even saying thank you, so I spent my time reattaching Bjorn’s head. As soon as I turned him on he started talking gibberish, but at least he isn’t any worse than before.

Day Three – Today we met Mantis with an unusual profession, honest traders, eager to take a look the crew piled out of the airlocks, I sat back with a good holo-book and was surprised to see the crew come back with a teleporter array, at a reasonable price, after using some of our remaining scrap to upgrade our power core, I got John to take over in tactical, put Lagardi in engineering and Bjorn in piloting, I may regret that decision next time we need to avoid a solid object, rather than ramming into it and cackling madly.

Day Four – We stopped near a rundown space station, it had been heavily damaged, multiple hull breaches, life support was failing and the elastic on their pink fuzzy dice had snapped, realising the situation could not be more grave, I sent an away team over and through horrors unimaginable they find a slightly mentally unstable woman named Ariel, I expect she will fit in fine and I have assigned her to shields.

Day Five – We detected an asteroid field, Zerimar was very keen to visit it, but I denied him, I was tempted to beam him into it and jump as far as possible, but then Logan would be sad.

Day Six – After entering a new sector and setting off immediately, we are greeted by an asteroid field with a rock ship, they send a boarding party, the rock cruiser had two burst lasers and one normal laser, I positioned all of my decent fighting crew in engineering as the Rockmen chewed through my piloting, I also powered up the burst laser gun.
A single round of file lead to mild damage, weapons were offline but no other system damage was sustained, we were lucky, the second round of fire was equally fortunate, one shot hit our airlock, another created a hull breach in the piloting room, could have been much worse. However, an asteroid took out our sensors, I told John to finish in weapons, and then fix the sensors, he then politely put down his whisky and started working.
As another round took out our Oxygen and Engineering, I was greeted with the happy ding of my weapons coming online, targeting the rock cruiser; I began to wish I limited John to six bottles of whisky a day, as only one laser actually did any damage, knocking out one weapon.
However, an asteroid took out their shields while they were still down, unable to repair them quick enough, their weapons and helm was disabled by a further barrage of rocky godsends. We were lucky and only took light damage to our shields
The rock cruiser was destroyed, but at severe consequences, further asteroids knocked out the Transporters and did extreme damage to our already battered hull, we are left on 6 hull points, and Mr Lagardi was killed in the line of duty, let the records show that when he was not high, he was a valuable member of the crew, and will be sorely missed by the drug dispenser.
Realising that our shields would hold, I sent the surviving crew members to assess the damage and initiate repairs as best as possible, in the hope we could limp on home

Day Seven – We discovered an enormous comet completely by accident, Scans show that the only things in this solar system are the comet and a G-Type star, we also discovered that the comet has an ice extraction facility, hoping that there could be something to help us, I attempted to catch up to it, but failed.

Day Eight – We were lucky enough to find a store, ship had been crippled after a pirate attack and was willing to sell us their items, I had them fully repair the hull and I got Zerimar to buy a new missile launcher, which fired two missiles for each warhead, quite how, no one understood

Day Nine – We picked up a distress call from a Civilian ship with a failing FTL navigator, we agreed to lead them to their destination. Reversing course to get there.

Day Ten – We came across a derelict mantis vessel, however it appears it’s teleporter was still working, as a team beamed aboard, however they were only two men and were quickly dealt with. Unfortunately, nothing was salvageable aboard the vessel.

Day Eleven - We arrived, and were rewarded by a merchant who was a friend of the crew we escorted, we left quickly.

Day Twelve – In a similar way to how we found Ariel, we rescued a man called Fleischy, he claims he is decent at engineering, so we sat him in there; meanwhile Bjorn started muttering over the comm about redecorating in the conn, something about blood red.

Day Thirteen – A Rock pirate decided they wanted our scrap, they were armed with dual lasers and a beam weapon, however their assault gave me a chance to test my missile launcher, John’s little eyes lit up as he realised he was going to get to fire his toy. We took out their weapons, and I am quite satisfied considering that John brought it, A… A… [ERROR, FATAL CRASH, ERROR, REBOOT]

Day Fourteen – It would appear that the Rock’s final act of aggression was to upload a computer retrovirus, that two hours after its connection would activate. The crew managed well without me, they traded two fuel for five missiles and rebooted me, unfortunately, Bjorn had an *ahem* accident, he accidently brutally stabbed himself in the stomach and accidently ripped his right arm off, fortunately I repaired him.

Day Fifteen – A Heavily armed Mantis Scout decided to pay a visit, with two layers of shields, I knew it was time for the toy, The Mantis sent a boarding party, but by moving John, Ariel and the security team into the shield room and ejecting all the air into space where the Mantis were, they were made quick work of, as was the ship.

Day Sixteen – A Rebel vessel desecrated even deep space with its presence, one of its crew chose to abandon it, accepting his surrender, our new crewman, Nathan, moved into oxygen control, the rebels were extremely lightly armed, only one single shot laser, I decided to send a team to murder to crew
Day Seventeen – Today we discovered a small armada of Zoltan vessels, one misunderstood our purpose and moved into attack, they utilised a burst laser and a beam laser, which made me regret not upgrading our weak shields. After two rounds of fire we took out their super shield, we then fired on their weapons and set Zerimar and Logan over to murder them all.
When Zerimar got back, his little eyes were lit up; he started clapping and jumping .happily. I had to convince him to stop, as he was breaking the teleporter. I also took all of John’s whisky, out of the fifteen shots we fired, only 7 actually hit.

Day Eighteen – We answered a distress call to find a scientific station with a lab fire that had gone out of control, I sent Zerimar over. And we were rewarded with some scrap and a drone recovery arm

Day Nineteen – We reversed course to a shop a single jump away, with only 53 scrap, we weren’t doing much buying, we only intended to sell the arm

Day Twenty – I am starting to worry about Bjorn, he is always staring at Logan and muttering something about paint. But on the positive side, she recently turned her eye to decorating the piloting room, and the way she decorated my control unit with a tapestry was very kind.

Day Twenty-One – We made it to the next sector and were greeted with a huge nebula spanning the entrance to about the middle, however our sensors detect something, unusual at the other end of the sector, the resolution isn’t high enough. We saw a smuggler hiding in the nebula, but we had no reason to fight it, so we spent the time looking out of the window and upgrading the shields to level two.

Day Twenty-Two – On our course outside of the nebula, we have come across an Ion storm, we barely had enough power for life support but immediately, an auto scout emerged. I was forced to take power from life support to put onto shields, fortunately the vessel only had beam weapons, so the single shield held, after I knocked out their weapons with the Peryton missile launcher, we dropped shields and rerouted power to the artillery beam and life support.

Day Twenty-Three – We made it out of the nebula and were greeted with a Mantis vessel that was already attacking a weapon less vessel, although there was not a honour programme in my base code originally, I added one to pass the time ages ago. We engaged the Mantis.
We took out their weapons (A burst laser mark one and a standard laser) before they could penetrate our shields, and with their crew being one Mantis, and one Engi, I sent Logan and Perimar over. However, I made two key mistakes, I forgot to deactivate auto fire, and I didn’t destroy their medi bay. I am sorry to report however, that the vessel exploded by unknown cause, with Zerimar and Logan still on board. I would like the record to show that Bjorn feels much safer now.

Day Twenty-Four – Still reeling from the loss of our security team, we leave the teleporter offline, as our only remaining crew are four humans and one engi, two humans will likely be at a disadvantage.
We contacted a Zoltan academy, they said they had been tracking our movements; they then gave us a repair arm, which I quickly attached.
Strangely, I think Bjorn misses the team the most, recently he has been taking to shouting “STUPID ENGI, ZERIMAR SMASH” and impaling himself, I hope he doesn’t do this too much, as with a lack of furnishings, the crew has started using him as a table, and holes could prove problematic

Day Twenty-Five – On the way to the anomaly we detected when entering the sector, we answered a distress call, a small space station was suffering from malfunctions in their automated weapons system, Bjorn had a lot in common with it, (Mainly malfunctions) and convinced it to shutdown, which received large gratitude from the crew of the station

Day Twenty-Six – The anomaly was a damaged federation subspace call, contacting all federation vessels without alerting any others, they had no spare supplies, but directed us to a space station in the same sector. They gave us some scrap and fuel, I used the scrap to give us more power, so we could use both weapons without shutting down systems

Day Twenty-Seven – We have entered a new sector, we have detected something, else. It’s defiantly not a federation outpost, at least that’s what John said when his mouth wasn’t gagged by a vodka bottle he has taken a liking to. We set a course and came across a civilian ship under fire, we engaged the pirates, with only a two slug crew, we sent John and Ariel over after taking out their weapons and sickbay. The Civilians ran while they could
Day Twenty-Seven – It has been almost a month since we left Federation space, and we have certainly taken our share of casualties, Bjorn calculates we have travelled 145 Light Years. We came across deserters of the Federation. Everyone was shocked and John actually put down his Gin. We opened fire immediately.
They were armed with a hacking device of some sort and a laser; we ripped them apart and stole their supplies.

Day Twenty- Eight – We came across a destroyed vessel and initiated salvage. However, a heavy rock destroyed jumped in, we went to battle stations but we all knew this was the biggest threat we have faced, they had four layers of multi-spectrum shielding, two burst lasers and a missile launcher similar to our own, they also had a teleporter, with an all rock crew, a teleporter is an incredible weapon. They also had a cloak. Beaming into the weapons, we immediately found ourselves outmatched, so I had everyone except Bjorn meet in the shields room, which is where they seemed to be heading, we managed to damage their weapons, but not enough, The rock boarders stopped to take out my sensors, making me blind, just before they went down, the Rock vessel fired on our oxygen array, creating a hull breach, I sent Bjorn to repair it.
They quickly began damaging our weapons, so I got the humans to move into the room, after killing the party, we had to worry about the Rock, who had done heavy damage to our hull, I sent Nathan and Fleischy to repair the sensors, and John went hand in hand with Ariel. I suspect they are in a relationship. I will have to keep a constant sensor log on their quarters, in case they orgasm.
We targeted their shields with the missiles, but even with the convenient help of the artillery beam (which I need to upgrade) they were still at 50%. We had several hull breaches, Ariel and John were heavily injured and sent to sick bay.
After our shields failed, multiple sections had fires or breaches and our hull was failing, I knew this was the end, so I added this log with lightning fast speed, and I am now sending it to the Federation, this log is to praise the crew. And encourage the Federation to send more vessels

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If you would like more of these adventures, leave a comment below!

[drblacknife]

I need to know what happend next plz do more