Who thought this was a good idea?

[stylesrj]

Onboard the Rebel Flagship, several officers gathered around their executive table. The Rebellion was doing well on all fronts and the Federation was pulling back to one sector for their last stand.

Admiral Terest sat at the head of the table, stroking a white cat in his lap. "Officers, we're doing well here. But I think its time we struck the Federation with shock and awe" he declared, sipping a cup of tea.

Murmurs of discontent were amongst the table. "How will we do this sir?" Captain Ima Baddie asked.

"Glad you asked" the Admiral said "First of all, in Sector 1, our Forward Scouts and Riggers... strip them of their burst lasers and outfit them with beam weapons. I have an associate who says they are superior to our lasers and well, I believe his word more than yours."

"Brilliant!" Baddie shouted "But what about our missiles sir?"

"We'll load them onto all of our automated ships. Dual missiles for everyone! Then we'll send them to harass those holdout bases! They'll taste our missile wrath yet!" Terest declared, laughing pompously and adjusting his monocle.

Just then a young Lieutenant rushed into the room clutching a datapad in his hands "Admiral! Admiral! We've just secured a deal with a major supplier of boarding drones!"

Terest's monocle popped out of his eye and into his teacup. "My god! Quick, we need to equip every single Rigger from Sector 4 to 8 with at least one of them!"
The Lieutenant scrambled out of the room to carry out the orders. Terest smiled and looked back at the board. "So, any questions about my latest plans?"

One officer spoke up "Sir, we've got a massive stockpile of Burst Laser Mk.II weapons and Flak guns. Can't we just equip all of our ships with them?"

Terest glared and activated a hidden button under his table. The officer was immediately incinerated. "Now, any questions?" Terest asked calmly.

Everyone shook their heads and went to leave the room. "Oh and one last thing; if your ship has a teleporter and no medbay, be sure to send your most damaged crew through the teleporter first and target their life support or medbay. Barring that, somewhere near an airlock. This goes double for Lanius ships! Now move!"

Terest looked out the window and stroked his cat yet again "I am so brilliant! Nothing could possibly go wrong, not even that lone Federation ship carrying important intel about this ship!"

[HarkintheMantis]

This is awesome

[stylesrj]

And now you know what the Rebels were thinking when you encounter one of their crazy ships. I'm assuming pirates do the same thing but with more "Yarrs" in their dialogue.

[HarkintheMantis]

im pretty sure your right

[dyno101]

And the rebel scouts didn't even think to re-outfit their weapons.
The federation *might* just deserve to lose, looking at how poorly they fought against cruisers most likely outfitted with ASB shots and about 16,000 Mini beams.

[stylesrj]

Hey those ASBs are deadly... if they ever hit.

[stylesrj]

The plan did not seem to be going well for Admiral Terest.
He then received a call from man identifying himself as "Smith."

"What do you want now Smitty?" Terest asked in a bored tone.
"I've got this most cunning plan to stop the Federation ship!" Smith replied excitedly.
"How do you know about that? Is this some sort joke?" Terest demanded.
"It's no joke Admiral Terest! Everyone knows about the ship that's bringing hope back but my plan will stop it ooooh yes it will!" Smith said, bouncing up and down in his lair.

Terest sighed "What great plan do you have?"
"SPIDERS! Hundreds of giant alien spiders!"

Terest's eyes widened and he shouted "HOLY CRAP! DO IT NOW!"
Smith cackled evilly and closed transmission. Before Terest could enjoy another cup of tea though, he got another call.

"Hello Admiral, this is the Great Eye..."

[HarkintheMantis]

LOL

[stylesrj]

I think next up should be the tale of the burning space station and the Rockman Doctor Jones... and they reward the valiant heroes with a fire suppression system.
After all, these are the stories of the game doing stupid things.

[HarkintheMantis]

thats true
mabye it shoulb be the story of the Ai ship VS giant Alien Spiders
(Some one needs to make a alien mod)