FTL Towel Boy for Hire

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Tharsis
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby Tharsis » Fri Jan 16, 2015 8:45 pm

Database 12511: Mantis are know to capture Engies as slaves build and repair their ships and stations.

Database 110<Corrupted>: Engies are not known for lying.

We are still interested in a towel boy for laundry duty.

Sincerely,
111100001111000011110000
"The're coming to destroy us... Why?... We want peace..."
The Dark Ones
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stylesrj
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby stylesrj » Fri Jan 16, 2015 9:45 pm

Dear Engie name we don't like remembering,

How dare you try and steal our meatsack slave... towel slave. There is only one way this can be settled. The ancient Mantis tradition of a dishonourable duel!

Because umm... we are Federation Command and can do such things that are not traditional to foolish meatsacks. Unlike you. We shall settle this with Mantis warriors at dawn 2 weeks from now (but in reality we'll be coming at noon one week from now, because that's how the tradition works!)

Regards,
Federation Command. We are not Mantises, unlike you!
agigabyte
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby agigabyte » Fri Jan 16, 2015 10:03 pm

Ya know, I'm not big on honor.

I am, however, big on explosions, blowing my enemies up with explosions, and redundant redundancy.

*Finds mantis base and destroys it, then blows up the fragments*
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stylesrj
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby stylesrj » Fri Jan 16, 2015 11:23 pm

Foolish meatsack! That was just one of our many hives!
You cannot hope to stop the Charlie Hive... I mean Federation Command with just a lot of explosions!

Regards,
Federation Command. Not Charlie Hive. Definately not those guys. We're Federation!
agigabyte
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby agigabyte » Fri Jan 16, 2015 11:38 pm

Charlie hive? CHARLIE HIVE?!

How about *hires Michael Bay* more than lots of explosions?
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stylesrj
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby stylesrj » Sat Jan 17, 2015 3:49 am

Foolish meatsack,

We have already hired Michael Bay for our own gratuitous explosions and slow motion shots of female thoraxes as they skitter away from such explosions to slay more meatsacks.

Regards,
Federation Command. Not Mantises.
agigabyte
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby agigabyte » Sat Jan 17, 2015 4:27 am

OK, I'll hire Shaymalan to make a terrible plot twist and destroy you.
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stylesrj
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby stylesrj » Sat Jan 17, 2015 7:25 am

Good luck meatsack. It's more likely to turn out that the person he was destroying... was you!

Regards,
Federation Command Super Admiral Bruce Willis. Not a ghost and not a Mantis.

P.S. Can we get his autograph? Send it to our friends in the Charlie Hive. Our... their Hive Queen really loves his work! Especially signs! Foolish meatsack aliens being weak to water! Hah! Take that scum!

P.P.S We also have Mel Gibson doing our work. He may be crazy but he also knows his story structure!
dark33hawk
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby dark33hawk » Tue Feb 24, 2015 4:09 pm

I agree with that human "dire" Wolf. The manis are not to be trusted.instead come aboard the SFV(don't worry about this thing,it does not mean Shrike Fleet Vessel) Blade Runner we have one of the newest systems called Oxegen or something like that. Anyway you don't even have to leave we will come to you and you will love our white bird uniform and our(a loud boom is heard and a voice in the background saying"the air thingy is broken,this thing is totally not worth the 10 scrap".) my time to talk is short. Please come to this ship,it is not full of lanius looking for(the siren worlds and there is now no more air to talk through)

From Devon,this is a human name right?

P.S we are humans, you trust humans right? We are not lanius and we don't have a 10 scrap oxygen unit
With how many times I keep dying and coming back, I wonder if my ship has a clone bay instead of a medbay? Maybe that's why I'm losing my skills.
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stylesrj
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby stylesrj » Tue Feb 24, 2015 6:19 pm

Dear Foolish Metalsacks,

We've had troubles with the 10 Scrap life support systems on our vessels in the past. Sometimes they get so bad that hitting them with our claws doesn't fix them and we have to get one of our Engi slaves to diagnose the problem.

I think the best solution would be to spend a few more Scrap on the Waypoint-Junta Industrial Life Support. The foolish meatsacks in charge are foolish meatsacks but we let them live as they make great weapons and life support systems.

Trust us, you won't be disappointed. They're quite cheap too. The best price is about 15 Scrap but it won't break down when you need it most unless it gets hit with a missile or something.

Regards,
Charlie Hive Mantises

P.S. Get it bought a sap so we can board your ship and kill you metalsacks! Seriously, you guys why do you need to steal all the air? We need it to breathe and kill foolish aliens!

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