FTL Towel Boy for Hire

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FTLTowelBoy
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FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby FTLTowelBoy » Sun Nov 09, 2014 5:59 am

Currently seeking full time employment as a crew dude on a kick-ass ship with an awesome capt. Preferably with a sauna, steam room or pool on board the Man of War. I have loads of experience handling all types of towels. I specialize in pulling them outta the dryer, folding and stacking. But I can also go around the ship and pick up used towels and get them cleaned like new (almost).

I prefer my own room but willing to bunk with the right guy. But not some old dude who is flabby and has hairs growing outta his ear and stuff.

References available on request - but I'm really trustworthy so you can believe I'm telling the truth. At least that's what my mom says. My older brother doesn't ever believe me- but he's a complete moron jock who thinks he's gawd's gift to female Slug. I mean, he is super hot, but I don't know how girls put up with his moronism.

Thanks for your consideration.

FTLTowelBoy
Abandoned Sector 7
69 Staydri Lane, Nubile Nebula
(direct) 5230+99-7291
FTLTowelBoy@multiuniverse.higgs
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DarkPhoenix141
Posts: 261
Joined: Sun Jan 26, 2014 1:43 am
Location: Command & Operations Deck, PFV Sentinel

Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby DarkPhoenix141 » Sun Nov 09, 2014 6:26 am

Seems totally legit.
This is no easy mission...

BUT YOU SON. YOU WERE BORN FOR IT.

And remember:

GODS WILL BE WATCHING
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stylesrj
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby stylesrj » Sun Nov 09, 2014 11:16 am

Dear Foolish Meatsack, FTL Towelboy

After much consideration about what slaves we need... I mean crew, we have determined that we can fit you on a ship suited to your skills.
The Federation Cruiser Basilisk recently suffered a setback involving several filthy meatsack boarders I mean Rebels and the slave pits... washing machine and dryer have never been the same.

You are to report to the Basilisk in Hanger 7 at Gamma Station in Mantis-Controlled space at 0800 hours tomorrow. You will report to Captain Kwarrzak who is in no way in his position due to nepotism. He earned it in fire and blood... I mean earned it respectfully through hard work and valour and by killing a lot of foolish meatsacks, I mean he led men into battle...

Regards,
Totally Federation Command. Like not the Mantises or anything.

*Bloodstains and several clawmarks signature*

P.S. This is legit and not like a Mantis trap. We need slaves... I mean towelboys... yeah. Bring ketchup.
Tharsis
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby Tharsis » Sun Nov 09, 2014 1:02 pm

Towel boys not required.

Sincerely,
10011011110100100101101101
"The're coming to destroy us... Why?... We want peace..."
The Dark Ones
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DarkPhoenix141
Posts: 261
Joined: Sun Jan 26, 2014 1:43 am
Location: Command & Operations Deck, PFV Sentinel

Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby DarkPhoenix141 » Sun Nov 09, 2014 5:32 pm

This all seems all too legit.
This is no easy mission...

BUT YOU SON. YOU WERE BORN FOR IT.

And remember:

GODS WILL BE WATCHING
FSS-killemdead
Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 1:42 am

Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby FSS-killemdead » Sun Jan 11, 2015 11:29 pm

lol staydri lane
agigabyte
Posts: 551
Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 1:59 am

Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby agigabyte » Wed Jan 14, 2015 9:43 pm

Hmm... The Archon could use a towel boy. Report to system Eta Eridani, planet Frontier at the main station, bar one, 1800 hours in two days. Sincerely, Former Vice Admiral Dire Wolf.

Note: Do not trust the other response, they are Mantis slavers.
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stylesrj
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby stylesrj » Wed Jan 14, 2015 10:17 pm

Dear Weakling Meatsack Warrior Leader,

Mantis Slavers? What are you playing at meatsack? We are legitimate Federation officers wanting fresh meat... to manage our towel supply for the Basilisk.
If anything you are the foolish meatsacks trying to enslave our future slave... I mean towel boy!

Regards,
Totally Federation Command. Like not the Mantises or anything.
agigabyte
Posts: 551
Joined: Fri May 31, 2013 1:59 am

Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby agigabyte » Fri Jan 16, 2015 1:35 am

Ha! Even if you were Fed command my fleet could bypass all your defenses and destroy you!

To towel boy: Notice the usage of slave and meatsack.

Sincerely, Supreme Fleet Admiral Dire Wolf.
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stylesrj
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Re: FTL Towel Boy for Hire

Postby stylesrj » Fri Jan 16, 2015 2:27 am

Dear Inferior Meatsack

This is the Admiral leader meatsack of the Federation, Tolly. You will not hinder the Basilisk's efforts to acquire fresh meat for their laundry work.
Don't make me slay you, meatsack.

Regards,
Definitely Leader Enemy Boss of Federation, and not Mantises impersonating him

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