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For LOL Kestrel Cloaking Engie PewPew1000--449 Metal Ships

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 1:00 am
by Darthcaboose
REBELS R US strives to release FTL for the purpose of fun fun fun for everyone! REBELS R US is not responsible for any side effects taken while playing this game. As such, you should be extremely careful to contact your lawyer and get a PC powerful enough to play this game, which is frankly not at all.

Running away from rebels? Internet forums unable to hold up against enemy spam ships? REBELS R US has what you need!

COMPANY FULL DETAILS:
Contact Name : Mr Derpstral Spammy Spam Spam
Company Name : REBELS R US

Only Sarcastic Buyers Should Contact Us Please.

Email Us At : these_arent_the_rebels_u_are_looking_fo ... ftlfun.com

Hours of operation:
We are open 43 hours a day, 9 days a week, Alpha Centauri Sector IV standard time

Shipping And Returns:
We Ship Via Intergalactic Freight, Faster-Than-Light Transport, and SuperSonic Snail Mail and the estimated time set for delivery is 4-5 parsecs depending on your location. Please allow for delays due to intergalactic strife with the Insectoids and the conniving stupid Loyalist forces. WE'LL GET YOU YET DARN LOYALISTS!!!

Current Promo:
Buy Any 2 Ships And Get 1/4 of a Power Converter For Free.
Buy Any 5 Ships And Get Our Mercenary Protection Services guarantee for life!

OBSERVE HOW ENGLISH BAD MINE IS:

Kestrel

Kestrel Classic: 150 metal
Kestrel w/ cloaking device: 210 metal
Kestrel w/ 2 shield upgrades: 350 metal
Kestrel w/ Custom Proof Door-Locking mechanisms: 500 metal
Kestrel w/ Enough Missile Launchers to Beat Sector 2 Impossible Pirates: Call us to get a quote. Offer ends in 30 minutes!
Kestrel w/ Sufficient Power systems to power this all: Priceless

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's Fastercard!

Fastercard, getting you across the FTL universe, for cheap!


...

In all seriousness, what the heck is going on with these forums?

Darthcaboose

Re: For LOL Kestrel Cloaking Engie PewPew1000--449 Metal Shi

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 9:04 am
by chanman
I'm an admin at another small forum and I frequently wish I could slap anyone who has ever bought a product from a spammer in the face with a rotting fish. As that would be logistically improbable, I had to settle for banning entire swathes of multiple continents.

Re: For LOL Kestrel Cloaking Engie PewPew1000--449 Metal Shi

Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 6:03 pm
by Darthcaboose
Eh, I'm just making light into our current forums spambot dilemma.

But yes, anyone dumb enough to actually buy from a spammer has a lot more to worry about than a cheap iPad / whatever the heck they bought.

Re: For LOL Kestrel Cloaking Engie PewPew1000--449 Metal Shi

Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 7:49 pm
by jocan2003
Dont we have modo to ban/remove these threads?

Re: For LOL Kestrel Cloaking Engie PewPew1000--449 Metal Shi

Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 9:43 pm
by Darthcaboose
You'd think so, but apparently until the registration system is taken care of such that not anyone can come in and create a spam thread, it wouldn't be worth the time to ban/remove each and every single one of them.

But seriously, who wouldn't want to buy a new Kestrel for 449 metal?

Re: For LOL Kestrel Cloaking Engie PewPew1000--449 Metal Shi

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 1:47 am
by Justin
Lol I almost auto deleted this thread/banned DeathCaboose.

I intend to install a good email confirmation mod to the forums, but we're really close to the beta and have been crunching. Once everything on that end is smoothed out we can try and spruce up the forums. Sorry and bear with us for a bit longer!

Re: For LOL Kestrel Cloaking Engie PewPew1000--449 Metal Shi

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 2:25 am
by Darthcaboose
Justin wrote:Lol I almost auto deleted this thread/banned DeathCaboose.

I intend to install a good email confirmation mod to the forums, but we're really close to the beta and have been crunching. Once everything on that end is smoothed out we can try and spruce up the forums. Sorry and bear with us for a bit longer!


Oh gosh. Was I that convincing?

All the better. Deathcaboose? Never heard of him...

Re: For LOL Kestrel Cloaking Engie PewPew1000--449 Metal Shi

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 3:44 am
by Warbird
I think he's the lead singer for a metal band.

Re: For LOL Kestrel Cloaking Engie PewPew1000--449 Metal Shi

Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 10:21 am
by ThePsuedoMonkey
Sounds legit, is he any good? :mrgreen: