FTL if it were an AAA/console game

[mqstout]

FTL, were it an AAA/console game:
* Try to jump away from a "close to star" beacon: quick time event, "Tap button repeatedly to build energy to jump away from the star!"
* Arrive in astroid beacon: quick time event, "Press buttons as they appear on screen to dodge asteroids!" Any failed button press in the mini rhythm-game results in shield-ignoring damage.
* Quest dialog trees filled with 500% more text, 300% more options 200% deeper trees with 50% as many final outcomes.
* Game zooms in completely on every shot that hits the enemy ship.
* Game zooms in and replays every melee kill.
* Each drone you try to activate requires you to complete a repetitive simple puzzle mini-game before it actually activates. A slightly different puzzle for each drone.
* Various races would have had multiple sexes and there would be a crew breeding sub-game.
* Autosave to retry before last jump after you fail.
* CG opening that has a completely different art style with no relation to anything in the game proper.
* Every single action you take causes you to gain "experience" towards better weapons and hideous skins on your ships.
* One of your crew would interrupt your combat every minute going "here, catch!" as she throws you an instant-repair power up for your ship.

Note, I carefully avoided any comments about DLC and multiplayer. They're just too easy.

Care to contribute your own tropes?

[5thHorseman]

You forgot romance! Before the final boss fight, 2 of your crew who have been growing closer all game, would have the chance for a love scene that fades to black before you see anything.

[Agg Shell]

NO autosave, else you would never die.

[VanguardOfValor]

NO autosave, else you would never die.

In case you didn't catch it, this thread is a thinly veiled criticism of the AAA games market, not what he thinks should be put into a console release.

[Gnay]

The Zoltan ship event would be changed so that you would have to fight a rebel ship to steal the Zoltan ship.

[cicobuff]

There will be a leadership board where the list is dominated by people having 100,000,000,000 as their scores 15 minutes after release, while you struggle to break the 6000 mark 40 hours into the game.

[Jerjare]

Box art utterly different (and far better looking) than anything in the game

Everytime oxygen goes offline, each and every crewmember will shout, "I can't breathe!" every 5 seconds.

The Flagship will hail you when about to unleash its Drone Swarm/Superweapon "Release the swarm!/All batteries! Alpha strike!"

Multiple endings depending on the race of your crewmembers/relationships with each other/shiptype.

[mqstout]

Nice ones Jerj.

You found a chipped advanced rusty glaive beam, and a gleaming basic halberd beam!

[cicobuff]

1. Sexy women with HUGE boobs that are all but naked save for the nipples on the cover art
2. An overly masculine hero that looks like he grew up on steroids
3. Or a scantily clad heroine that looks like a super model wielding a weapon of phallic proportions
4. Dialogs that constantly allude to sex that will lead to a sex scene that will fade to black when it gets exciting
5. If you choose certain dialogs, you can have sex with members of the same sex
6. In-game collectable cards/portraits of people you had sex with in the game during your adventures

[herb0815]

You would not be able to play the game, because the servers are currently offline.