Speeches of the Dead

[Nukeknockout]

Hi everyone! I'm new here, but don't be afraid to bite - I weather conflict very well. I am Nukeknockout, and I've been enjoying FTL since mid-2013 after seeing it on the Angry Joe Show and liking what I saw. In this thread, as I attain victories I honestly expected not to have, I will post the post-battle speech the captain who expected to die gives the crew of the vessel.

Vessel: FSS Eagle
Type: Federation Medical Ship (Mod vessel, replaces Osprey)
Won battle with: Auto-Terminator of FTL CE

"My loyal crew, this is the status of our beloved Eagle. I truly wish I could begin with what's important, but regulations require that I dispense with the bad news first.

All of our systems and subsystems, save Medbay, Teleporter, and our Hull Missile I have been physically destroyed. We have multiple hull breaches, but as our internal sensor array is decimated we do not know how many or where. 3% of our maximum hull integrity, placing us at 50%, has been lost. There is no air on this ship - which is why you are seeing this address in text instead of hearing it.

Now, on to the better part. No one died. No one died - despite the blatantly illegal drones utilized by the bounty hunter, the lack of air caused by the sabotage to our life support, and the best efforts of the bounty hunter all seven of the crew are alive, huddled in our powerful Medbay. This is thanks to our repair team, who kept the Medbay and teleporter functional long enough to retrieve the boarding party from the Auto-Terminator before destruction and create a haven from the lack of oxygen. The bounty hunter has been killed - the boarding party tracked her down and literally sliced her in half - and the Auto-Terminator was destroyed before it could flee thanks to the boarding party wrecking its control systems and fighting the auto-repair while the repair crew kept the Hull Missile online to score a kill after we withdrew the boarders. Without your combined efforts, the enemy might have been able to escape with their worthless lives!

Our situation is shockingly grim - but we will recover. Only two can effectively repair the life support at once - two Engi from the repair crew will dash to the life support to fix it and will be spelled as necessary by all other crew - pilot, boarding party, it is essential to return our life support to its normal function but do not take stupid risks - if all of us survived the Auto-Terminator's warcrime-o-matic drones, no one is dying to suffocation on my watch! Once the life support is even partially repaired, wait in the medbay for pressure to return, then finish the repairs to the life support. After that, internal sensors and track down hull breaches and damaged systems as they become obvious - all crew will participate, even the boarding party.

I understand the pain you are going through - our suits leak and consume oxygen even as the powered medical reserves sustain us. Rest assured that we shall inflict on the Rebellion a hundred fold what we have suffered today! Every single one of you deserves nothing more than a distinguished service ribbon and a life of ease. Except you, De Rosa. I trusted you to fly the ship, and you let me down, man - you didn't dodge a single one of those rockets, and the pilot console is one of the last things they hit! Now let's fix this whale!"

When I figure out how to take pictures in FTL, I'll start including photos.

[FSS-killemdead]

tell me how to take photos if you find out

[stylesrj]

tell me how to take photos if you find out

Just so you know, I gave you a private message about this sort of thing. Don't start acting like a bot now